The Tarantula Whisperer

I was up late last night and our neighbors were having a bit of a party. I went over there at 1 and asked them to Simma Down and they did. I think I got to sleep at 1 am. I woke up around 10 and puttered around the house before Josh got up. We hung out, playing with our computers and I watched Legally Blonde the Musical again for the umpteenth time. I read synopsis' of Twilight Zone episodes, played some video games. Ate Chili Cheese fries and greenbean casserole (separate meals - those sound weird together) :) TLC has been playing shows about conjoined twins so I've been watching them for awhile too.

I sold lots and lots and lots of chocomolettes today! I brought some home - Gingerbread and candied ginger in milk chocolate. mmmmmmm.

I also managed to get almost to work before realizing I left my work key at home. Drove back home, got the key, barely opened on time. OY!

Another installment of - "Fun Websites Beanie's Been Looking At" - Popcap games! - I have been playing lots o Plants Vs. Zombies lately and Bejeweled :)

Plants Vs. Zombies is much harder when you are tipsy!

Today I made pork chops, green bean casserole, and cornbread stuffing for dinner - so yum!

I had a dream last night that Josh and I were Bones and Booth from the show Bones - I heart that show.

Apparently I'm allergic to paragraphs tonight.

I'm tired because I've been up since 6:30 and have been go go go for most of the day.

This peach beer Josh got is good - I keep typing bear. A peach gummy bear sounds good right now. You know what sounds really good - pie.

I think I want to go to Village Inn and get apple pie tomorrow night.

SMOOCHES INTERNET! GOODNIGHT!

Sometimes in the winter, my depression is virtually more than I can stand. I'm taking steps to make that better this year, but as I still get moody with my PMS, I'm worried that my anti-depressants aren't going to work like I thought they would, and that I'll have a bad winter yet again. I refuse to keep worrying though, so that it doesn't turn into a self fufilling prophisy. I'll turn it over to God and my morning pages.

Dear Pastor Brian,
I have been in prayerful consideration, and believe I feel the pull of God, to share the healing in the area of sexual abuse that I have received from both Christ and counseling, with others. I have noticed that there hasn’t been a sexual abuse bible study, nor have I noticed, or been told of, a sexual abuse ministry at our church. I am prayerfully considering changing that. I say prayerfully considering that because I realize that taking on the topic of sexual abuse is a HUGE thing.
I also realize that this is something that is on topic at Celebrate Recovery, but sexual abuse is such a private thing that I think that people who’s problem is sexual abuse and not addiction may be uncomfortable in that situation and less likely to want to join a support group that has such a broad focus.
I would like to come in and talk to you about this. I have been doing some research on this topic, and have found several resources on possible bible studies we could do. A very highly recommended book that a LOT of websites recommend, and seems to be a standard in Christ centered sexual abuse healing that also has a workbook to go with it, is called “A Wounded Heart” by Dr Dan Allender. There is no video to go with it, but I’ve read the first pages and it seems like a very good book.
There is also a video bible study series called “In the Wildflowers” that seems very good, but it is geared specifically toward women, and I know of at least one man in the church who was severely sexually abused in his childhood, and I’m sure there may be others. I’m not sure if they (or, quite frankly, anyone) would be interested in joining the group, but I’m not sure I would want to exclude them with a bible study that is SO geared toward women. However, a google search toward video bible studies brings up few results of actual video bible studies – they are mostly books, and the above mentioned one seems like the best.
I have drafted a few rules for the group, based on several internet support groups that I belong to, such as confidentiality and safe space rules that I would be glad to come in and discuss with you.
Basically, I’d like to come in and hear your opinions on this matter. If this were something we’d actually do, I would HIGHLY encourage everyone to seek individual counseling. I would go speak to the two counseling centers in town about their rates, and if we can get sliding scales or any type of thing for the people in the groups (I know Unified does sliding scales, but it’s based on income).
Through being in internet support groups, and also being in NA and celebrate recovery, I have learned that there is a tremendous amount of healing in being able to talk to people who have been in the same or similar situations as you, people who ‘get it’. Also, with sexual abuse in particular, the keeping it a dirty little secret hurts us. It keeps us ashamed of something that happened TO us, something that we were a victim OF, something that was NOT OUR FAULT, but society (and many times ourselves) makes us feel like it is. There is healing in realizing that it is not our fault, and it is not something we need to hide. Even if we can’t speak it in day to day life, at least we don’t have to hide it from each other.
And I was wondering if you’d be doing any type of message similar to the ‘sex for sale’ thing you did last year (or anything at all with a sexual damaging theme) that an offer for this group can be incorporated into?
Again, these are just my musings that I would like to get your opinions on. I just wanted to jot them all down on this email so that I don’t forget any of them when we talk.




What do you guys think? Do you think this is something that people would feel safe enough/ comfortable enough joining? I feel God's pull on this, so I'm going to start it anyway. If nobody wants to join it, so be it. I'll start it again (or try to) every time the new class schedule comes around and hope that someone gets up the courage to come. They had to do that with Celebrate Recovery, and now we have 10 members.
There are a LOT of victims of sexual abuse, most who hide it, many who are still in pain from it. It's the getting them to admit it and face it that's the problem.
Are there any other points to consider? Anything else I'd need to do in my research? I realize that I'll need to put a lot of work into this beforehand - this is NOT something I would start tomorrow. I will get several books on the subject and start reading them now. I will get the resource that we pick and read it/do the questions/watch the video now so that I can get aquanted with it myself first. This is NOT something to go into blindly, but both of the resources seem to to be very good. And this is NOT a professional setting - just a support group. Again, I would be STRONGLY incouraging everyone who is in the group to be in constant prayer as well as professional counsling. Counsling would NOT be the group's place, although healing and sharing would.

The Artist's Way is this really awsome journaling guide that was reccomended to me for my recovery. It's a path to recovering your creativity through journaling, play, and projects type of thing, but it has a lot more to it than that. Here's a list of the chapters:
Week 1: Recovering a sense of safety
Week 2: Recovering a sense of identity
Week 3: Recovering a sense of power
Week 4: Recovering a sense of integrity
Week 5: Recovering a sense of possibility
Week 6: Recovering a sense of abundance
Week 7: Recovering a sense of connection
Week 8: Recovering a sense of strength
Week 9: Recovering a sense of compassion
Week 10: Recovering a sense of self-protection
Week 11: Recovering a sense of autonomy
Week 12: Recovering a sense of faith

It has a LOT of journaling homework with it. This week I will be writing about the following things: Enemies of my creative self-worth, writing letters to those enemies, writing about and writing letters to champions of my creative self-worth, writing out a happy piece of encouragement, and writing a letter to actually mail to that person that encouraged me. Another: Imaganary lives - if I could have 5 other lives, what would I do in each? Thinking of the careers I would do in my dreams, and then I'm supposed to pick out an aspect that I can do from those and live that out this week (like if I picked country singer and I can play the guitar, do that and sing a little, stuff like that).

I'm not going to do any of this journaling tonight, because today's work was in reading the chapter, but I'm going to start on the journaling tomorrow and think about who I want to write about today and tomorrow. I have to pick 3 enemies and 3 champions. I can only think of one champion off the top of my head (they have to be from childhood) - Mr. Ghormley. I know there have to be more, so I've got thinking to do.


And I have to get up early. The biggest assignment in The Artist's Way is Morning Pages. You get up a half hour early and hand write 3 pages of stream-of-consciousness. Basically, you write 3 pages of whatever. So if I have deep thoughts, I write those. If I'm tired and bitchy, I write 3 pages of 'I'm really tired and bitchy today'. If I can't think of anything to write, then I write 'I can't think of anything to write'. It's to get back in touch with my creativity.
And myself.
And since my creative self was a writer, I think this will really help. I did it this morning and it was cool, but I got pretty bad writer's cramp - it'll take me a while to get back used to being able to hand-write. I hope I can do it without being in crappy pain!

I'm really looking foreward to this process. It's got a lot of guides to introspection in it - I like to journal about deep stuff in my soul (in case you never noticed) and this will give me direction as to where to take that, and I like that.

So let the fun begin (tomorrow)!!

Woooo

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Tiny purple scarf, tiny purple scarf, hi ho the dairio, tiny purple scarf!

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I posted a post with my phone but it got zapped into the Ethernet apparently. It was mostly blibbing about the AC not working right at work and about crocheting tiny pink granny squares. I was a moody sad crabber crab so it is good the Internet ate my ramblings. If you listen carefully you can hear it burp.

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

Ann Taylor Loft changed their window display from Smug Giant Woman to Depressing Tableau Of Outfits. All three mannequins are wearing a dreary combo of dark blue, grey, dusty light purple grey and dark dull purple. Boring and dark and dull looking.

If you look carefully at the rack of shirts behind the window display, you'll see disembodied arms clad in another depressing purple sweater. I think the sweater wasn't horrid enough so the other mannequins ripped the arms off and beat people with them and tossed them away.

This is hour 11 o work today, please parden moi!

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I had a dream that iamshake , her sister-in-law, her brother, and I went to a restaurant in PA that sold something called a Peas and Carrots Slickie. It was a white castle slider with peas and carrots as toppings and then smothered in gravy. We all had one to try it and only her SIL got a second one, which she put in her purse (unwrapped I may add) to take home with her. *hee* Then we went out to the car but there was this great big huge dog-sized black scorpion skittering around the parking lot, so we ran back in the restaurant and ate brownies.

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I'm trying to sleep and my neighbors are playing loud music and I can hear too much of it through the walls so I sit up and shake my teeny fist of rage at them and realize I was training two new people today so barely used my phone and then I went to wendy's after work to get tasty chili and a taco salad and then was crocheting up a storm after work and watched Heroes and How I Met Your Mother and Lie to Me with Josh and didn't touch my computer at all so I didn't post a blog so thank you inconsiderate neighbors for helping me write this run on sentence for my daily blog post as I lay in my bed under my fuzzy blankets.

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When I was a little kid, all I wanted was hair long enough to wear a headband. It was the 80's so they were totally cool. But my mom made me keep my hair short, and usually it was in a mullet. That totally sucked because in addition to not being able to do anything to it (including using the headbands and the ULTRA COOL bananna clips), lots of people asked me if I was a boy or a girl until I got boobies. It totally sucked.
It's long enough now though - too bad headbands and bananna clips are no longer cool :(

It was a relaxing day. I listened to Jazz online, had Taco John's breakfast tacos and cinnamon sopapilla bites, watched Figure Skating, watched a Stargate movie, ate some tasty gouda and rosemary chicken legs, hugged a cat or two. Low key which is nice since I have to work the next 6 days in a row.

Another installment of - "Fun Websites Beanie's Been Looking At" - Theme Park Review

This couple, Robb and Elissa, travel all around the world organizing trips for people to go to theme parks and then they post reviews and trip reports and tons of pictures. Their humor is crass at times but they value some of the same things in theme parks that I do - ride variety, good food, amusing theming, cheesy silly things to laugh at.

I've been spending most of my web surfage today reading this massive trip report posted by a couple that live near Dollywood in TN - they also check out all the cheesy attractions in the area and post reports on them. *hee hee*

Well I only made it to the trail once - I was hurting WAY too bad to do the twice thing.
It was such a lovely day though that it was great to make it out there the once. We saw a bunch of people enjoying the day and the dogs were on their best behavior so that was nice.
And also they saved my life. Literally. As we were leaving, I was climbing up the rock stairs thingie, and the leaves make the rocks very slippery in the fall. I kinda lost my balance on one of the rocks - you know where you sort of lose your balance, you think you catch yourself, but you just barely don't, you have that moment where you just have enough time to realize you're going to fall backwards and there's nothing you can do about it? Well I had that, but I was on the top of the rock face. If I hadn't had the dogs, I would have fallen. I don't know if I would have just tumbled and gotten a few bruises or if I'd have broken my neck, but it wouldn't have been good. But I did the think fast thing, pushed down hard on both of the dogs stop buttons on their retractable chains, and pulled HARD, and used them for leverage. Poor doggies got snapped backwards pretty hard and almost got whiplash, but they saved their mommy, so they were okay with that. :)

It's supposed to be 66 tomorrow, so I might just clean the church Monday morning instead of tomorrow, and take them for another walk tomorrow.

I would totally push myself for the 3 mile one because the 1 mile one felt so wonderful to my soul, but my stupid plantar facietise (or however the hell you spell that) in my feet is back to ground zero and hurts like HELL in the middle of my feet again. Maybe it's time to consider the surgery, but I really worry about ANY surgery with my pain pill addiction.
*shakes head* I guess I'll be having to deal with the reprocussions of this addiction for the rest of my life. Yippie.

We had dinner at Shorts Burger and Shine and it was very tasty. I has a burger with red pepper mayo, Brie, mushrooms, sauteed peppers. Mmmmm.

After dinner I had to use the ladies room and after I went I said "what the heck??!?"
Here's why -

See this toilet... See the toilet tank way up high? See the flush handle way up high on the left? I had to stand on my tippy toes to flush!! What the??

Hee hee ODD!!

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This is the retail outlet for chocolatetown, I worked here today and this is what it looked like most of the day. The Hawkeyes were playing all morning and into the afternoon AND it was 68 degrees outside!

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I like Beanie's idea of making November a 'post every single day in November no matter what' month, so I think I'm going to copy off of it. I've already made a post every day (well, I did miss a day so I did a oneword on that day). Even if I don't have anything going on, I always have a lot of stuff going on in my head, so I can post about that.


Today is a BEAUTIFUL day here - it's going to be 65 degrees! I'm taking a shower right after I'm done with this entry, and then I'm taking the doggies to the trail. Every single day that it's been warm and nice lately, I've been stuck inside, either stripping those couches or doing some other inside task. I've wanted to hit the trail on those days so badly my soul ached, so today I'm going to try to do the one mile trail TWICE. (I probably can't do the 3 mile one, it's been too long, and I really over did it yesterday).

I just wish we didn't have that horrible windstorm last week that blew all the beautiful leaves off the trees, because with this weather, the walk would be PERFECT if the leaves were there. Oh well, it will still be 80% perfect without them.

It's so beautiful though - the sun is shining so beautifully, it's so warm and breezy - it's perfect weather for light pants and a light long sleeved shirt. I'm sure there will be 80 billion people on the trail (and hopefully some dogs!) so it'll be a good day to bring the squirt bottle and practice the no noise command with the dogs again too, so that'll be nice :)

Okay, I'm off!